Well, oddly and very strangely, since that episode, I have considered the whole of 'busy work' and realized something very true in life...
We're all doing busy work, all of us, until we leave this body.
I woke up this morning knowing that Kurt and I had made some lovely plans to go down to Two Harbors, goof off in a couple shops, grab some lunch and then come home. Sounds lovely, right? It does to me as well... but when I think about it, I mean, really think about it...
To what end?
We go down there, and the way we take, the back way, is a lovely drive, we bum around in Bee's Knees and other places, eat food, then turn around and come home... all consuming gas, all consuming money... but still a nice drive and a lovely time. But to what end?
I don't look at life as some folks do and I remember when we moved up here I said to Kurt that I'd like to go back to school days when those three months of summer I did nothing and it didn't matter that I did nothing, because I didn't have an adult mindset to concern myself with the day to day, except that of existing. Childhood you never had to worry about adulting because you didn't care about it and it really never entered your head. Yeah, well, here we are... retired, supposedly relaxing (which we rarely do) and having the best life...
But here's the odd part...
We're all born, all live in whatever life we've chosen, either get married or don't, have kids or don't, have one job or many, are fat or thin, strong or weak, long hair or short or none, blue eyes, green eyes, hazel eyes, gray eyes, blue eyes, bills or paid off, hoarder, minimalist, moron or genius, no teeth or dentures, tormented, on drugs, alcoholic, good memories and bad ones, good parents or shitty ones, siblings you love or hate, wearing a phony smile and pretending like you care, saving a million dollars for someday, eating right, believing in God or not...
Then we all die.
No matter what kind of life we lead, no matter how we lead it and if we appreciated it or not...
We all pass out of our bodies and move on: Regardless of our attributes, abilities or contributions.
If you stand back, empty your mind to consider your life and everyone else's life it all seems as if we're all just doing busy work to the grave. Think about it and let go of the fact that as an adult you have obligations, bills to pay, a dentist to see, a job to go to redundantly, just overall life to deal with, so you don't think about these day to day things as something other than what they are... and let's face it, as adults we start to concern ourselves with more than just our microcosm of the universe but somewhat pervertedly imbibe this need to start investigating the world out there and how its effecting (good or bad) our microcosm. Every life is structured very complicated and delicately, like a spider's web, woven to our specifications and yet brittle and flimsy knowing it could disappear tomorrow... our jobs, our places of residency, our country, our spouse, our kids... ourselves.
And it's not an 'if', its a when. And here's the thing, it will always be a 'when' and never an 'if'. You can't jog enough, eat good enough, get enough sleep (yeah right), be happy enough, pray enough... you can never do enough of these to keep living forever. It isn't possible. It will never be possible. Our bodies have an expiration date.
That is the one thing WE ALL have in common...
So technically, we're all just doing the best that we can, doing what we know how, living as life meets us in the road and get our minds, hearts and souls lost in the day to day - as everyone does.
Rarely do we step back, mentally, and gaze into the abyss of the bigger picture and I understand why most never do, because its kind of freaky and oft times frightening to stare into something that seems more complicated and contains more entropy than the vastness of outer space. But I have and I have to admit right now that there are times I'm sorry I did, because it makes everything now seem somewhat... less complicated and sordid. Did I want things to be complicated and sordid? Hell, I didn't know what I wanted when I first started looking, but now...
There are times, like this morning, when it all seems merely busy work to the grave. Granted, you have to make your busy work the best it can be, but that's what it all boils down to, an elegant glace of our own making... yet this, in essence, is all that comprises our being - self-fashioned busy work to the grave.
Don't misunderstand me... when the busy work is right and you're loving it, its a wonderful thing... but that doesn't diminish the fact of what it is.
I remember saying this to Kurt and he cocked his head, considering it and said, "Well, isn't God doing just that, too? Busy work? Especially when dealing with us?"
I had to laugh. Are things just that simple? Are we to just ride the wave that is our busy work, enjoying immensely the pleasure of it while remaining blissfully unaware of the simplicity of it?
Having lunch with a friend, paying off a mortgage, celebrating a higher count anniversary, finally feeling better, seeing the world improving, witnessing people helping one another, beholding a night sky so magnificent it takes your breath away...
The good and bad, beautiful and ugly, healthy or sick, married or single, kids or not, young, old, blind or deaf...
All these things, each thing in life, each moment in our lives... is a smaller component of a bigger picture of a movie screen out of sight that plays simply and eloquently without our ever knowing it. We're just, well, passengers, on this Air Stream to ... wherever we're meant to go.
So enjoy it while its here, even the small things, the things you don't normally see as relevant, it is... it ALL is, even if its ephemeral, because its the microcosm that makes us who and what we are. And if appreciated, this busy work is pretty spectacular.
And here's a fun fact to end this thread - we all pass out of these bodies to what? Fat babies with harps and clouds... and then... what? (Yeah... let your mind roast on that one a while.)